Answer to Question – Looking at feet on computer?

I recently had someone tell me about catching their 12-year-old son looking at feet pics on the computer and ask me what I recommended. They actually found out about what the child was looking at through the internet history and had yet to confront him. Fortunately, the child wasn’t looking at porn, since their internet setting would not allow that. But, it turns out he was doing a lot of searches for pictures of celebrities feet.

I didn’t even attempt to cover the masturbation topic since they didn’t bring that up because they don’t know if that is what he was doing. Either way, I’ll let them handle that topic. But what I tried to help them understand is what their son is going through and the reasons behind his actions.

When I asked for some more background information, they said they’ve known for a while that their son likes feet and they’ve talked to him about it openly and are very understanding. Still, he very much keeps to himself about it. As far as they know, looking at peoples feet and now looking at pictures online is the only ways his interest in feet is noticeable. My advice to them was centered around helping make him feel comfortable with his interest and to find positive outlets for his curiosity.

To help him feel comfortable with his interest in feet, I recommended a couple things. First of all, continue to talk to him about his interest in feet and let him know it is okay even though it isn’t overly common. Also, let him know they’re are many people who also like feet and that he doesn’t have to feel completely alone. Even though it can be awkward at times, I advised them to continue to ask him questions about his feelings toward feet to help him understand which thoughts are appropriate and which are not. For any male at that age, they have many weird thoughts about sex and women and they need help filtering through those thoughts and making sense of them. As always, make sure he knows that he can talk about any of his thoughts or concerns with the people who love him because they will likely be supportive. I say all this because is he feels like a outcast and an oddball he will internalize his feelings. He will struggle to understand his interests and may eventually start acting out in unusually and socially unacceptable ways as he gets older.

Secondly, I told them that he is probably looking online as an outlet for his curiosity. While it is not good to spend too much time online, to a certain extent is is normal. Just like anything else, moderation is key. They person who watches porn all day is much less likely to be a normal and well balanced person than someone who seeks a healthy sexual relationship with an actual partner. That said, most males will admit to looking online when they hear of a celebrity nude picture/sex video that is available. I recommended they still tell their son to avoid going online and that they will be watching to ensure he does not do it again.

Finally, I advised them to encourage their son to find healthy and appropriate outlets for his fascination with feet. As I’ve said before, he probably doesn’t want people to know who don’t love him, because of the chance of being made fun of or misunderstood. So, he should seek outlets with people close to him. Finding healthy outlets is extremely important because if he bottles everything up inside it will just get worse. He will eventually seek outlets regardless of how hard he tries to hide it, but if he waits too long, the outlets will likely not be appropriate (i.e. touching strangers feet in public or while they sleep). I advised them to ask their son if there are family members or people close to the family who’s feet he likes. Then, work with him to create a plan for an appropriate way to pursue his curiosity. For example, maybe one of the mothers’ close friends has feet he finds attractive. The next time she comes over, he could offer to give her a foot massage.

The overall key is to make sure he is comfortable with himself because there is nothing he can do to change that he likes feet. Also, they want to help him come up with appropriate outlets so that after puberty he can find appropriate outlets on his own (i.e. tell his wife he likes feet).

Do you have a question?

I’ve shared a few examples that explain several of the lessons we have learned over the years, but I want to make sure I’m answering your questions. I created this site to help you and your child, so please feel free to ask me any question – no matter how uncomfortable you might feel asking it. The point of this site is to let you know you are not alone and to help – not to judge. If there is something you’ve run into with your child or you’re simply curious about how we may have handled something, feel free to comment here or email me at askzack11@gmail.com

What to do when your child wants to suck on toes?

As your child grows out of the toddler phase, you will start to notice that the fascination with feet will move from simply wanting to play with them to wanting to put them in his/her mouth. This happened for my son around 6 years old. While giving my wife a foot massage one day, he started sucking on her toes. My wife and I weren’t sure what to do or how to react. We suspected that it was harmless curiosity of a little child, but we wondered if it was potentially harmful for him to get used to sucking on his mother’s toes.

Answer we found: After talking to a child therapist, we discovered there was nothing to worry about at that young of an age. That said, my wife an I didn’t want him to get used to sucking on her toes because we thought it could cause issues in the future, so she only let him do it on special occasions (Christmas, Birthday, etc).

A couple years later (son was about 8), we became friends with parents of one of our sons soccer teammates (lets call them Bob and Sue). Since our son liked feet, it didn’t take us long to notice that his new teammate (Jason) also liked feet. We would constantly see him looking at feet and a couple times caught he and my son sucking each other’s toes. Again we were concerned about that, but again the therapist told us not too worry. Our son was just acting out his curious and at that age it was in no way sexual. Even so, my wife and I decided to tell Bob and Sue that we caught the boys sucking each others toes and to share what we learned from the therapist. Bob and Sue, while not surprised, were also concerned. It turns out they had been going through a lot of similar issues with their son. They told us that Jason had a history of sucking on his mother’ and his aunt’s toes too and how much it worried them that he was so interested in the feet of family members. We told them what the therapist told us, ‘it’s not an issue to be interested in the feet of family members at a young age… pre-puberty.’

That said, we all realized that our sons were getting older and we wanted to move them away from sucking on the toes of family members before they hit puberty. So, we created a plan and sat down together to talk to both of the boys. As always, we told them it was okay that they liked feet, but because they were getting older they needed to stop sucking on family members’ toes. Instead, my wife offered to let the other boy suck on her toes and Sue offered to let our son suck on her toes. We told the boys the offer was only good when they were together (i.e. both my wife and Sue were together watching the boys). That way it limited the number of times they asked to suck on their toes. I know that may sound a little weird, but it made us feel better that our sons were no longer sucking family member’s toes. So that plan went on for a couple more years, until the boys were about 10. Eventually, Jason and my son were placed on different teams and they stopped hanging out that much. After that,  our son never tried to suck on my wife of his aunt’s toes again, so we assume the plan worked.

Is it appropriate for my child to play with my feet?

This is another common question I get. When a young child likes feet, they typically try to play with feet. And the majority of the feet within the child’s reach are those of family members. So, many parents/aunts/cousins are concerned that they might be doing something inappropriate by letting the child play with their feet.

Short answer: It is perfectly fine, while they are young.

Long answer:
Before puberty, children are not sexual beings. So this is not some form of weird incest. The child doesn’t care it the person is family vs non-family, male vs female, all they know if they are curious about feet. My belief is that it is nothing to worry about before puberty.

Starting around the age of 2, my son started trying to play with people’s feet. As I mentioned in a previous post, it is fine that he wanted to do that, but he needed to be appropriate about it. So, my wife and I worked at teaching him three things;

1. You can only play with someone’s feet if they say it is ok. If you want to play with feet, you need to first ask permission.

2. Only play with the feet of close family and friends. Because it is something that is not that common, we warned him that he might get made fun of for liking feet. So we encouraged him to only let people close to him that love and care about him know.

3. Only play with feet in appropriate locations. Like our house or a family members’ house. Usually, in public is not an appropriate place.

As far as I know, he stuck to those rules. Actually, it helped him set up a nice little system, for someone who likes feet. Because he had asked permission to play with his aunts’ feet a few times, they knew that he enjoyed giving them foot massages. So, they would frequently ask him to massage their feet and it became somewhat of a common occurrence for him to give foot massages at family functions.

Around 11 years old (puberty time), almost overnight, he lost interest in feet, at least from our perspective. He turned into the typical red blooded teenager who could not care less about what his family was doing. He wants to spend all his time chasing girls his age and trying to be popular. I’m sure he still likes feet, but only he and his girlfriend know that for sure.

Below is a link to an article from a psychologist on the question

http://www.todaysparent.com/preschool/article.jsp?content=3288&page=1

Is it bad that my child likes feet?

I created this site to share what I have learned from raising a child who likes feet with parents in a similar situation.  I will use this site to share some of my thoughts with you and answer your questions.

To start, I would like to answer one of the most common questions I get from parents who realize their child has a fascination with feet  – ” Is it bad?”

The short answer: NO. Liking feet is not wrong/bad. Not in the majority, but not wrong. Make sure your child knows you love them and that you are proud of who they are.

The long answer:
Too often, parents try to stop any behavior of their children that they don’t like or that embarrasses them by telling the child it is wrong/bad.  This can be very negative when the child is simply expressing who they are. Imagine the psychological trauma of children feeling like their parents are ashamed of them for being who they are. Probably the worst example of this is the child who tells his parents he is gay and the parents react by disowning him, calling him a sinner and condemning him to hell.

Please don’t make your children feel they are bad/wrong because they like feet. It was they way they were born and no amount of punishing them will make it go away.

If you’re like me, you started noticing at a very young age (1-2 years old) that your child really enjoyed playing with the feet of others.  Also if you’re like me, that is when you started asking yourself “is this a bad thing?” After a lot of reflecting, researching and talking to therapist, family and friends, I found the answer to be “No, there is nothing wrong with the simple fact that my child likes feet.” That said, liking feet usually manifests itself in your child wanting to play with feet. Therefore, it is your responsibility to teach your child rules of appropriateness.

I compare it to my son wanting to kiss a girl. The simple fact that he likes girls and wants to kiss a girl is perfectly acceptable. However, there are rules he needs to follow. It is only appropriate to kiss someone if that person is ok with you kissing her. And even if it ok with that person, there are times/places you should not be kissing her…like in the middle of class.

As long as you apply the same overall approach to your child liking feet and wanting to play with them, you should be off to a good start.

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